Another year gone. Can you believe it? It seems like just yesterday it was 2013, and we were all looking forward to the new year. Then we had 2014, and a bunch of terrible stuff happened. Who's to say 2015 is to be any better? I don't. Anyway, supposedly we're supposed to do awards this year. Anime Night got together and came up with what they claim is the "best" of 2014. Whatever. That year's gone. As far as I care, 2014 is dead and buried.
Evan Trinite and Andrew Rogers volunteered to explain our awards this year, and who am I to complain? Less shit for me to do. So anyway, without further to do, here are The Two Thousand Fourteen Anime Night Best-ish Awards for Stuff That Happened Last Year.
In this day and age, there are two types of games: games that resemble Dark Souls, and games that do not resemble Dark Souls. We would also like to point out that we ARE technically correct. After countless hours of research and consideration, we have reached the conclusion that Dark Souls 2 is in fact the game that least resembles its own predecessor. An honorable mention for the former category goes to Lords of The Fallen for being the game that resembles Dark Souls the most.
The Amazing Bulk.
Anime has held a reputation since the 80s of low budget, low quality animation. Most of the stuff that makes it over here these days is pretty high quality stuff; but sometimes something slips through the cracks. But looks aren't everything, and that's why this award goes to Half-Life: Full Life Consequences. Sure, it might be lacking in the animation department (in fact, it lacks any sort of visual stimulation), but it has a powerful and deep story that makes it worthy of being the Best Worst-Looking Anime.
More than a millenia and a half before Gibbon's classic Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire set the bar for historiography, Christ's The Bible was released. It would go on to become the most popular history book of all time. Though a little late to the party, Hollywood has gotten around to turning it into a movie: Exodus: Gods and Kings. Though taking two and a half hours to explain what The Prince of Egypt managed to cover in ninety eight minutes, Exodus: Gods and Kings still manages to be a faithful representation of the tragic events documented in The Bible.
The topic of minority representation in video games was a controversial one this year, but barely a peep was raised about the representation of some of the most important recurring characters in video games: cardboard boxes. We applaud Jazzpunk for being so forward-thinking and considerate; giving no less than three speaking parts to cardboard boxes.
So apparently they're still making Lord of the Rings movies. I haven't seen the latest movies but I've heard that the new one is pretty good. Bilbo Baggins Four or whatever.
Totinos Pizza Rolls (how did you know?)
Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, for revolutionizing the way you read your game.
Once a year, a particular anime vastly outshines the others in a full-force enema of spectacularity, and we're sure if we could even tell what ã‚½ãƒ¼ãƒ‰ã‚¢ãƒ¼ãƒˆã‚ªãƒ³ãƒ©ã‚¤ãƒ³ï¼©ï¼© said, we could tell you it was just that anime.
Simulation games were a popular category of 2014. However, most of these simulation games are about mundane jobs that we just don't want to do: farming, airport trafficking, goating. That's why we applaud Professional Farmer 2014 for giving us a simulation that we can all connect with: the Most Realistic Simulation of a Bad Game.
Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing was one of the most groundbreaking games of the early 2000s. Featuring a literally endless world that the player can explore at their leisure, it created experiences that wouldn't be matched until Notch created the spiritual successor, Minecraft. The game is also notable for making expert programmer Sergey Titov famous, leading into his incredible 2012 game Infestation: Survivor Stories. That's why our top pick for 2015 is the true successor to Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing: Big Rigs: Under the Road Parking.
Now and again, we have to appreciate the classics. That is why Lego Rock Band, the game that innovated the very way you play with both Legos AND Musical Instruments, wins this great honor. We salute this truly landmark game and the impact it made.
"I Wanna Die" episode.
While we could never pick favorites, we sure as hell CAN pick statistics. That is why we are pleased to announce this year's Top Staff Member is a very special staff member indeed. Here's to you, Ozzy Hine.
Unfortunately, where there is a best, there is always a worst, and Old Man Craket is by far the worst. We're not even sure if this guy shows up for work half the time. And even when he does he just sits in the break room stealing MY FUCKING LUNCH LIKE DAMN SON WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET OFF DOING SHIT LIKE THAT COME ON. If stupid asses had a face, it would be your face. Because that is what you are. A stupid ass. Is Craket even your real name?
Telltale Games has, time after time, dazzled critics and players alike with their intricate plotlines, pseudo cell shaded art style and robotic character animations. Mojang's Minecraft brought procedurally generated, programmer-art skinned worlds to the masses, becoming one of the best selling games of all time. Together, Minecraft Story Mode is shaping up to be one of the best looking games of the near future.
2014 has seen its fair share of internet activism, from the ones we won't talk about to the one we can't talk about. But by far the best internet activism of 2014 was North Korea's attempt at censoring the interview. Love or hate Seth Rogen and/or James Franco, you can't help but respect the gumption of North Korea. They stuck by their guns and did what they thought was right. And we can respect that.