Getting a review of a popular work written and published while the work is still fresh in people's minds is a difficult process. Writers have to press their keys and make words thousands upon thousands of times before it becomes an article, and that uses a lot of muscles. At least several. It's a very tiring process, even without the strain the brain goes through when firing synapses to create thoughts. I need a nap just writing about it.
In order to keep the strain off our ever-so-diligent writing staff, we make these shortened forms of reviews, for our pleasure.Brandon: Jurassic World
The long awaited sequel to everyone's favorite dinosaur mismanagement series. Chris Pratt stars as raptor trainer Owen Grady, and the only competent employee of the Jurassic World staff.
Set 22 years after the events of the first film, a bunch of people decide that bringing back the horrible failed tourist attraction that was Jurassic Park would work perfectly if they just change the name a little. At this point, people are so bored of dinosaurs that they need to make new ones, and what better dinosaur than one that could just kill everything if it wanted to. So they do exactly that, and it decides to just kill everything. The rest of the movie is spent trying to capture the Indominus rex with both conventional weapons and other dinosaurs. Meanwhile, Vince D'Onofrio wants to use raptors in war for some reason.
It's not exactly a well crafted story, considering just about every plot development hinges on everyone being a dumbass, but it's not why you should watch this movie anyway. You watch this movie for sick dinosaur fights and Chris Pratt's mustache, and you will be very pleased by the sick dinosaur fights and Chris Pratt's mustache.Conro: Lego Worlds
There's not going to be much to this look at LEGO Worlds, because frankly, there isn't much to LEGO Worlds. What there is a lot of, is potential. Ever since anyone ever looked at Minecraft, they thought, "Gee, isn't this just LEGOs?" Hell no! LEGOs have at least two shapes, unlike Minecraft's surprisingly popular square. There are slants, hinges, and controversially, even wheels.
All these shapes and more combine to form LEGO Worlds' randomly generated environment, making a hillside ACTUALLY look like a hillside, instead of a blocky mound. Scattered around are various chests of tools, animals you can ride, and buildings & plants to store and use for your own creations. You can encounter other LEGO minifigs, and unlock the ability to play as them. You can even enter a free building mode, using all the LEGO pieces and colors to build the thing you've always wanted to, but were limited by the lousy confines of your home.
So, what else can you do? Nothing! That's it, so far. I don't think it even has multiplayer yet. Essentially, you are buying that thing you wanted since you started Mojang's magnum opus, and it's even incomplete like the product you wound up getting when you did that! LEGO Worlds is a place of potential, and I hope to see it grow to fulfill it. Otherwise, it's just any other TTGames LEGO game, only without R2-D2. Take that as you will.Andrew: TIS-100
Have you ever wanted to feel really confused and helpless? Are you frightened of the bright colors and loud noises of video games today? Then TIS-100 is the game for you! The newest release from Zachtronics Industries, developer of Infinifactory and SpaceChem, it's a game where you program a computer in Assembly. If you don't know what those words mean, they mean that it's really hard and really confusing and you probably won't like it. If you do know what those words mean, that means that it's really hard and really confusing and you might have fun playing it, if manipulating arcane symbols representing instructions on an imaginary computer is the kind of thing you would enjoy. Like Infinifactory and SpaceChem before it, you will get really stuck and you will probably have to go out and buy a whiteboard if you want to have any chance of finishing it. But maybe that's your thing. And hey, there's histograms!